Not This Day
by eaglenation
Summary: His first selfless act would be his last, but he had no regrets but of the debts that he had never repaid. As his eyes closed and he leaned against his brother's arms, Loki realized that this was the day he would die. (One-shot, spoilers for Thor: the Dark World)


Pain was breaking him. It was tearing through him like a hurricane, melting his bones and flaring through his chest as if the sword was still in it. Pain surrounded him, causing red and black dots to dance before his eyes, taunting him. He knew this was his moment to die, but he wouldn't let himself die without final words.

He gazed up at his killer, his eyes focusing on the monstrous creature made of flames. He knew he had destroyed it too. And he had a feeling he would see it again. He clenched his teeth, trying his best to fight down the scream of agony that was growing in his throat. "See you in hell, monster." He seethed. He was falling to the ground, falling, watching the world around him explode momentarily as the monster vanished.

As a child, he had always envisioned himself dying old, a great and revered king ready for the next life. He'd always expected his passing to be a relaxing, happy moment. He'd expected to die a king, a ruler, leaving behind a legacy than Odin could have ever managed.

It was nothing like that.

He couldn't leave yet. He fought against the dark arms of death that were reaching for him, pulling him into peaceful darkness. But no, he had to stay a moment longer. Just to say goodbye. It felt like something would not be complete If he left without his final words. He struggled for breath, groped for it. His mind still worked, and it still seethed in the anger he had felt after his deafeat at the hands of the Avengers, at his loss of the throne. But for a moment, as he died, that anger died too. Someone put his arms around him, willing him to stay in the world of the living.

The one person he had ever really cared for.  
Thor.

"No, no no no no no." Thor was crying, he could hear it. For once, someone cared about him, if only a bit. For once, someone was desperate to keep him. Even Frigga had left him, after all those years of teaching him, telling him that she cared.

But Thor was still there.

"No, you fool. You didn't listen."

He wanted to laugh at the accuracy of his brother's statement. "Yes, I know, I was a fool." He breathed, still fighting against death's arms. The pain was growing larger, engulfing him. The flame in his heart was flickering out. No, no. He had to apologize, because maybe then death would be a little easier. A little more forgiving. Maybe the pain would stop.

"I'm sorry." He was gasping, struggling. He felt his body grow cold, slowly slipping into Jotun form again. "I'm sorry."

He watched his brother's face intently, judging the emotion like he always had. Even as a child, he had often observed the sentiments of other people and wondered, _how could they manage so many feelings_? Feelings had always confused him. He had always preferred remaining cold.

But now he understood. He understood the pain in Thor's eyes. Thor didn't want him to leave. He _himself_ didn't want to leave. "I'll tell father of what you did today." Thor was saying. The pain in his voice was woven with desperation and guilt, but also love, the love that had been given to him by so few.

Odin certainly hadn't given him that love. Not in the end. "I didn't do it for him." Yes, he hadn't sacrificed everything for his foolish father. Even on the doorstep of death, he could still feel the loathing driving him insane in his mind.

But suddenly, as he gazed up at the sky, he had a vision. It was a family. Frigga, his mother, the one who had taught him everything and trusted him, was holding his hand. Thor, the brother who had always been by his side, on arm around his neck and the other holding Odin's hand. Odin was smiling, but even back then he had a weary look on his face.

_Family._ He couldn't let everything die out.

As he closed his eyes, he was ready to welcome the nothingness of death. The pain would be gone, along with the guilt and the hatred. The insanity of his mind. Everything, in the end, was pointless, because they would all die someday.

As the wind in the dark world whispered away, joined by the chorus of Thor's desparate, "Nooo!" He finally realised something. There was many things he hadn't finished, many debts he had to repay or to demand repaid.

And in that moment, Loki, the son of Laufey and brother of Thor, the rightful heir to the throne, understood something: it was not his day to die. 

* * *

**I'm sorry, but I had to write this. Please forgive me.  
-eaglenation, over and out.**


End file.
